


The Price I Pay

by silver_etoile



Category: SKAM (Netherlands), WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, New Student
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24607606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_etoile/pseuds/silver_etoile
Summary: The worst part about Jens’ mom suddenly deciding they needed to get as far away from Jens’ dad as possible wasn’t moving to Utrecht, of all places, it was that Jens had no one to talk to about this new, unexpected crush on a boy in his class.
Relationships: Jens Stoffels/Lucas van der Heijden
Comments: 9
Kudos: 143





	The Price I Pay

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr.](http://azozzoni.tumblr.com)

The worst part about Jens’ mom suddenly deciding they needed to get as far away from Jens’ dad as possible wasn’t moving to Utrecht, of all places, it was that Jens had no one to talk to about this new, unexpected crush on a boy in his class.

Robbe would understand, he thought mournfully, but every time he talked to Robbe, every time he thought about saying something, he just didn’t. Robbe was happy with Sander and Aaron had finally gotten through to Amber. And Jens was all alone in Utrecht, trying to make friends the way his mom wanted, for her sake, for his sister’s.

The crush was ridiculous, he told himself as he kicked his skateboard along on the way to the park. He didn’t feel much like skating lately, but it got him out of the house. And besides, that cute boy tended to hang out at the skate park with his friend—but that was just a coincidence.

Jens had noticed Lucas on the first day of school, the way he laughed at whatever his friend said, his whole face lighting up. He had piercing blue eyes that had landed on Jens just a few minutes later in class when he turned to hand back a stack of papers. Jens could have sworn he smiled, but it only lasted a second before Lucas had turned back around.

Jens had known for a while that he found guys attractive. That wasn’t the surprise. The surprise was that anyone in Utrecht could be remotely interesting. He’d been so sure that moving here was a complete irrational mistake on his mom’s part. He hadn’t expected the way his stomach fluttered whenever Lucas glanced at him after that day.

He wouldn’t have called them friends, not quite, but Lucas was friend _ly_. A little too friendly if Jens allowed himself to think about it. Which he didn’t because he didn’t need this. He didn’t need this stupid little crush on some random Dutch guy when he’d be going right back to Belgium for university next year, back with his friends.

The skate park was fairly busy this morning, and Jens climbed on a bench instead of going to skate. He didn’t know why he was there in the first place except that he didn’t have any money to go back to Antwerp for the weekend. Plus the apartment was still filled with boxes everywhere, and Jens couldn’t take tripping over them anymore.

He could call Robbe, he thought, digging in his pocket for his phone, ask what he was doing. But if Robbe said he was going to a party or hanging out with the guys, it would only make Jens feel worse. So he gave up looking for the phone, glancing across the park, and his gaze was caught by a familiar pink sweatshirt.

Lucas was there, laughing at his friend—Kes? Jens thought but they hadn’t officially met.

The sun seemed to shine down through the parting clouds, catching a glimpse off Lucas’ skin, the way he smiled, and Jens felt an unexpected clench deep in his stomach.

He wasn’t sure what it was about Lucas, if it was anything at all beyond Lucas being one of the few people who actually talked to him here, how Lucas smiled when Jens tried to complain about Utrecht, and in that moment, Jens considered that he might be wrong.

But Lucas wasn’t anything but a crush, he thought. A stupid crush, and Jens had no intention of following through on his feelings. Besides, he didn’t even know if Lucas was gay or bi or anything. A few smiles at Jens, a few laughs at his dumb jokes didn’t mean anything.

As he watched the pair across the rink, Kes dragged up his shirt to wipe his face, and Jens frowned as he watched Lucas follow the movement.

So that was it, he thought, sharp. Maybe Lucas _was_ into guys, or more specifically, his best friend.

Fuck.

Jens couldn’t explain the feeling welling up in his chest, hot and annoyed and angry? Jealous, he heard himself think, like a lightbulb, and he shook it away. Jealous of what? That Lucas liked someone else? That Lucas was checking out his best friend? Why did he even care? It wasn’t like Jens had been planning on asking him out, on doing anything other than maybe flirting if Lucas would allow it.

But that didn’t seem to be it.

Jens was frowning at the bench by the time Lucas caught sight of him across the ramp, raising a hand in greeting, as though they were friends. Maybe they were. Maybe Jens just liked a guy who was clearly into someone else.

Swallowing down the burning jealousy now creeping into his throat, Jens nodded at Lucas as he approached, climbing on the bench with him as though they did this all the time.

“Hey,” Lucas greeted him easily, a soft smile on his face. “I didn’t know you skated.”

Jens shrugged in response. He still couldn’t shake it, the annoyance—at himself for thinking something might happen with Lucas, and at Lucas for being so clearly into his best friend. Was he annoyed because it wasn’t him Lucas was into?

“Sometimes,” he said shortly, swallowing down the anger rising in his throat—at Lucas, at himself. He wasn’t really sure.

After all, it had only been a month and a half. He barely knew Lucas. He shouldn’t have felt this unexplained wave of annoyance as Kes skated past, seemingly ignoring both of them.

Maybe he liked Lucas more than he’d thought, and it was that that made him sit up, nodding at Kes as he passed by again.

“Your friend. He’s hot.”

Lucas’ face contracted, as though surprised by the statement. “What?”

It was a bold move, Jens admitted, to just say it. But a part of him wanted to see Lucas’ reaction, if he’d agree outright, if he’d deny it. It wasn’t as if Jens went around telling everyone he met that he was bi.

“What?” Jens asked, almost challenging. Did he want Lucas to agree? Would that be an admission he was into Kes? Jens wasn’t sure why he cared or why it even mattered except that he wanted to know.

Lucas didn’t reply for a minute, staring at Jens. “You, you think guys are hot?”

“Some.” Jens shrugged again. “You don’t?”

Lucas frowned and didn’t reply. He didn’t look at Kes, though, the apples of his cheeks going pink. Yeah, Jens thought, looking away. Lucas thought Kes was hot. That was why this crush was ridiculous.

“Is your friend seeing anyone?” Jens asked because he had to know if that was why Lucas could look at him like that.

Lucas’ frown deepened. “Kes is straight,” he said finally.

Somehow, it didn’t make Jens feel better. Lucas had still checked Kes out. He’d seen it with his own two eyes. Was he jealous of Kes? Maybe. Definitely. He didn’t like it.

“You never know,” he muttered in reply, tugging up his hoodie so Lucas couldn’t look directly at his face anymore. “I gotta get home.”

“Jens,” Lucas said as Jens slid off the bench. Jens paused, turning back despite himself. Lucas’ cheeks were still pink, making his eyes even bluer somehow. For a moment, it seemed like he wanted to say something important, but then he bit his lip instead. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

Jens merely nodded, dropping his board and hopping on. He didn’t need to be jealous of a guy he didn’t even know. After all, what was Lucas to him?

*

Jens didn’t go home, instead skating down unfamiliar streets, past a multitude of canals—seriously, how many canals could a place have? He didn’t want to go home where boxes were piled on every surface, still not unpacked after weeks of being here. He didn’t want to face his mom who thought he was out with friends right now, was so convinced this had been a good idea, that Jens would immediately fit in here.

He was trying, though not very hard. Jens didn’t want to try. He wanted to go back to Antwerp and hang out with the boys. But his mom wanted him to try.

Jens was definitely lost as he stopped at yet another canal, sinking onto the ledge. Gazing down at the water, he frowned as his mind wandered back to Lucas. Lucas and Kes. Rolling his eyes, he sighed. There was no point in being jealous over someone he didn’t even know. Just because he’d thought, maybe, that Lucas might be interested in him…

It was stupid, Jens told himself firmly. He wasn’t here to get involved with anyone, girl or guy. He was here to survive the year, get back to Antwerp and his friends and move on with his life. It sounded so simple in his head, but even as he sat there, thinking about Lucas, thinking about the fact that Lucas clearly had a thing for Kes, even that made something hot curl in his chest.

Annoyed, Jens dug in his pocket for his phone. He didn’t like this, being unsure, feeling out of place, not knowing where he belonged. He’d never felt that way before.

He pressed Robbe’s name on the call list before he could rethink it. It probably wouldn’t make him feel better, hearing all about what Robbe was doing—how happy he was with Sander, how great this year was going—but Jens had to talk to someone.

“Hey!” Robbe answered the phone excitedly.

“Hi,” Jens replied, crossing his legs as he sat at the edge of the canal, a row of bicycles behind him.

“What’s up?” Robbe asked, and Jens paused.

What was up? He’d been in Utrecht for over a month and barely had any friends aside from the guys he vaguely talked to at school. Lucas might have been considered a friend, but the feeling Jens got in his stomach every time Lucas looked at him said different. There was the fact that he’d just figured out that Lucas was clearly _not_ into him, at least not the way Jens wanted, and how stupid it made him feel. And then there was his younger sister who didn’t seem to hate it here nearly as much as Jens did, which didn’t help when it came to their mother who was _so sure_ this was the right move.

But at Robbe’s question, Jens merely sighed.

“Nothing,” he said, the same thing he said every time Robbe asked. He just couldn’t help it. He _wanted_ to say something, to find the words to explain everything he was feeling, but they just didn’t come when faced with the opportunity. “It’s so boring here.”

“Sorry,” Robbe said, sympathetic. “Are you sure you can’t just come live with me? Or sleep on Milan and Zoe’s couch for the year?”

Jens had thought about it. He’d even argued it when his mom had said that family stuck together. He wasn’t like Robbe, though. He had his younger sister to think of, his mom who thought she was doing the right thing by moving away from his dad.

“I wish,” he muttered, poking at the moss growing on the cement ledge. “I found a skate park.”

“Oh, cool!” Robbe sounded much more enthusiastic than Jens felt. “Maybe I can come over some weekend and you can show me Utrecht.”

Jens wanted to scoff but he didn’t. In reality, Antwerp wasn’t that far away. A couple hours on a train or a bus, but it might as well have been a million miles apart for how alone Jens was.

“Yeah,” he said finally, though he wasn’t hopeful. “Sure.”

There was a muffled noise on the other end of the phone and Jens frowned.

“Sander’s here,” Robbe said after a minute. “He has to go to some museum for an assignment, so we’re going to go look at paintings of naked people.”

“It’s art,” Jens heard Sander say in the background. “Hi, Jens!”

Jens cracked a smile, though his heart still sunk. He couldn’t be mad that Robbe was having fun without him, but it still hurt. “Tell Sander hi. Have fun at the museum.”

“Jens,” Robbe said before Jens could hang up. “It probably won’t suck forever.”

Jens wanted to believe him. He wanted so badly for Robbe to be right, and he held back his sigh.

“I’ll talk to you later,” he said instead of agreeing, ending the call and tucking his phone away. Dropping his chin, he groaned softly. Why couldn’t he just tell Robbe about how much everything sucked? Why couldn’t he just tell him about Lucas?

Because there was nothing to tell, Jens thought firmly, pushing himself up from the ground and brushing off his jeans. Lucas was nothing, and those feelings he was having? Pointless.

Kicking his skateboard in front of him, Jens didn’t get on, heading down the street. It was about time he got home, wherever home was. He’d have to use the map on his phone to get there, but for now, Jens merely sighed, following the line of the canal. He could take a little more time to get there. After all, what was waiting for him but boxes to unpack and the next year spent in Utrecht, of all places.

*

A girl was smiling at him from across the courtyard, and Jens supposed he should be interested. She was pretty, pretty enough, with blond hair and blue eyes and a soft sweetness about her. Engel, he thought was her name, though they hadn’t spoken in the few weeks he’d been at school.

Then again, Jens hadn’t spoken to many people outside of class so far.

Engel was giggling with her friends, and Jens looked away, pretending to be interested in a group of guys across the way instead. He probably looked like a total loser, standing there alone. Or maybe he was a cool loner, he tried to convince himself as his gaze fell on Lucas and his friends under the far tree.

As he watched, Lucas laughed and shoved Kes playfully. Annoyed at the sting in his chest, Jens looked away. Why couldn’t he just get over this? What made Lucas so special that he actually cared if Lucas had a crush on his best friend?

“Jens, right?”

A voice pulled Jens from his preoccupation with the way Kes’ hand landed on Lucas’ shoulder, so familiar, so comfortable.

Engel stood in front of him, but she wasn’t the one who’d spoken. It was one of Engel’s friends, the pretty dark-skinned one with deep red lipstick.

“Yeah?” he replied, watching the way Engel blushed and took a stuttering step forward, seemingly pushed by the other.

“So there’s this party this weekend,” Engel said quickly, biting her lip. “And I noticed that you haven’t really been to any parties yet. They’re a great way to meet new people.”

Jens didn’t reply for a minute. He’d known there were parties, known he hadn’t been officially invited to any since he’d been there, but he hadn’t let it bother him. There wasn’t anything for him to do at parties aside from drink alone, and that was a little pathetic.

“Uh huh,” he said finally when Engel stared at him, eyes big, nervous maybe.

“I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go, with me.” She added the last part quickly, as though it wasn’t obvious.

Jens didn’t really want to go to a party, but before he answered, his glance fell on Lucas again. He was sure, just for a second, that Lucas’ gaze paused on him too before darting away.

“Sure,” he said finally, looking back at Engel. What use was there denying a pretty girl his company? At least it would be something to do, something that wasn’t thinking about Lucas and his obscenely blue eyes, the dimples when he smiled, how his hair always fell perfectly over his eye. “I’d love to.”

Engel beamed at his answer, twisting her hair around her finger. “Great. I’ll message you the address later.”

Jens simply nodded as they left, though he did hear the other girl say, “See? Told you you didn’t need me.”

At least it got him out of the house, he thought, watching Engel and her friend return to their group. Everyone had a group of friends. Everyone except Jens.

He tried not to let it bother him. Most days, it didn’t. He just wished sometimes that all this could be a little easier. At least when his mom asked, he wouldn’t have to lie this time. That was his only thought as the bell rang and Lucas passed by him on his way inside, glancing his way for just a second before continuing on.

Maybe hooking up with Engel wasn’t a bad idea, Jens allowed as he pushed off the wall. It might get his mind off other things.

*

It was just like every party Jens had ever been to, with a thudding base, free-flowing alcohol, girls dancing with each other instead of the guys. Just like every party, except for one thing.

As Jens stood by the wall, he sighed. After ten minutes of awkward conversation, Engel had been pulled away by her curly-haired friend, and Jens couldn’t say he cared too much. Except now he was standing alone at the edge of the room. There was no Moyo shouting “Shots! Shots! Shots!” over the crowd, no Aaron pining over whatever girl he’d spilled his drink on this week. Not even Robbe standing silently beside him, observing it all.

It was all wrong, Jens thought despairingly as he watched the couples making out against the walls, giggling as they stumbled up the stairs of whoever’s house this was. Jens wasn’t as drunk as he wanted to be, as he needed to be, to make this night bearable, and he shook his empty bottle, listening to the pitiful swish of what was left.

It was too early to leave, especially since he was technically here with Engel, wherever she was. 

Glancing around, Jens’ gaze fell on a bunch of people he didn’t know. There were guys wearing nail polish, girls tossing their hair as they danced, groups of people here and there clustered together. He was supposed to be looking for Engel, but he couldn’t help it when his gaze landed on a group of guys across the room.

There was Lucas, laughing at something his friend said, clutching a bottle, shoving at Kes’ shoulder playfully.

Annoyance curled in Jens’ stomach and he forced himself to look away. It did no one any good to keep thinking those thoughts, those thoughts that welled up inside him every time he saw Lucas, every time he saw Lucas with Kes. Which was all the time since they appeared to be attached at the hip.

Rolling his eyes to himself, Jens headed for the kitchen instead. It wasn’t any of his business if Lucas was into his best friend. At least Lucas _had_ friends. Jens just had a girl who’d asked him to a party then disappeared and his little sister who spent all of her evenings watching Netflix.

Jens had never thought he’d be that person, that pathetic loser at parties who had no one to talk to. Making friends had always been so easy before, but maybe it was because Jens had grown up with everyone, had always been on his own turf when it came to meeting new people. He’d never been the outsider before. He didn’t like it.

In the kitchen, Jens fished a new beer out of the fridge, cracking it open on the counter and taking a long swig. He figured he’d have to give it at least another twenty minutes, maybe bother to try to find Engel and make out with her, before he could safely ditch.

He was already formulating the excuse in his head as he stepped back from the fridge and right into someone else.

“Sorry,” he said as he turned, catching sight of a familiar face, patchy facial hair, and an easy smile that only made Jens want to frown.

“Don’t worry, man,” Kes said simply, ducking around Jens to root in the fridge. He paused as he came back with three beers. “You’re new, right? I think you’re in my English class?”

“Yeah.” Jens nodded. English class where he sat behind Lucas, had spent too much time considering the moles on the back of Lucas’ neck, the way Lucas always knew the answer but never said it.

Kes nodded too, grabbing a bottle opener off the counter. “So what do you think of Utrecht so far?”

Jens didn’t know why Kes was making small talk. It had been weeks since Jens had started school, weeks since they’d had classes together, and so far, Lucas had been the only one to talk to Jens.

“It’s okay.” He shrugged vaguely, taking a drink, watching Kes out of the corner of his eye.

“You smoke?” Kes asked after a second, a knowing arch to his eyebrows, and Jens almost smiled, but he caught himself. He didn’t want to like Kes, the guy Lucas was clearly into, in a never-gonna-happen kind of way.

“You offering?” Jens asked, and Kes laughed, reaching for Jens’ shoulder as though they were friends.

“You can’t move to the Netherlands without sampling the merchandise,” he said easily, nodding toward the door. “Come on.”

Jens only hesitated a second—this was Kes after all, Lucas’ crush, the guy Jens had some sort of unfounded jealousy towards, but fuck, his stash had run out a week ago and he could really use something to relax him.

So he followed Kes, through the crowd, out the back door of the house and into the overgrown garden. Rounding a corner, past scratchy rose bushes, they were greeted with voices in the darkness.

“Did you get lost in there?” someone called, and Kes rolled his eyes as a small clearing opened up, squishy grass underfoot, and Jens saw Lucas first, sitting cross-legged on the ground next to the other guy he was always with. Lucas’ eyes landed on Jens, a moment of confusion, glancing between him and Jens.

“Bringing reinforcements,” Kes replied, handing over the beer to the other guy. “This is…” He trailed off, looking at Jens expectantly.

“Jens,” he supplied, and Kes grinned.

“Found him all alone. Had to adopt him.”

Lucas snorted, which brought Jens’ gaze back to him. “You’re so generous.”

“Shut up,” Kes said, settling in easily next to Lucas and gesturing for Jens to join them. It was a little awkward as Jens sat down next to the other guy, who was eyeing him only slightly suspiciously. “You got the stuff, Luc?”

Lucas produced a bag from his pocket and was greeted with enthusiasm as Kes plucked it from his fingers and set out rolling the joint.

“Oh, this is Lucas and Jayden,” Kes said as he smoothed out the paper, nodding at both of them, as though Jens didn’t know. Well, he didn’t know Jayden, who tugged at his earring, watching Jens curiously.

“Have you always been here?” Jayden asked, and Kes punched his arm.

“You’re so observant. He’s new. Moved here from… where was it?”

“Antwerp,” Jens said, glancing at Lucas, the way he hadn’t said anything. He wondered if Lucas had even mentioned him to his friends. Probably not by the looks of things.

“Not that far,” Kes said, but Jens didn’t agree. It felt like a million miles lay between him and his old life.

“So you just came to a party alone?” Lucas asked, surprising Jens, who met his gaze.

“Actually, Engel invited me.”

To his surprise, all three of them erupted in laughter and Jens wasn’t sure why.

“What? What’s wrong with her?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Kes said, licking the paper and smoothing it closed. “She’s sweet.”

“What’s that code for?” he asked, glancing between Kes and Lucas, but it was Jayden who piped up.

“Be careful not to give her too much or you’ll never get rid of her,” he said. “She’s clingy as hell.”

“Like you would know,” Lucas said, shoving Jayden’s shoulder. “You’ve never talked to her.”

“And you have?” Jayden asked, eyebrows in his hairline. “When was that? When you were making out with all those girls last year? How you had any time to notice anyone else, I don’t know.”

Lucas rolled his eyes, and he didn’t look at Jens even though Jens was watching him now. All those girls? All what girls?

“You’re just jealous of our little Luc,” Kes said as he lit up the joint finally and took the first drag. “How many girls did you hook up with last year?”

“Fuck all of you,” Jayden only replied, taking the joint from Kes before he could take another hit.

Kes nodded at Jens. “I bet you got all the girls in Belgium with that face.”

Jens found himself smiling for the first time all night, even if it was Kes saying it, even if Lucas shot Kes a look when he did.

“You like my face?” he asked instead of answering the question, and Kes laughed, elbowing Lucas in the side.

“I like this one. Luc, why didn’t you tell me about him?”

“What?” Lucas asked, sounding confused, a flicker of panic in his face as Jens glanced at him.

Kes appeared to ignore him, and Jens took the joint Jayden handed him finally. As he took a long drag, the smoke settling in his lungs, washing over him, and he felt himself relaxing already. Fuck, this stuff was strong.

“Shit,” he exhaled, breathing out the smoke, and Kes grinned at him.

“Better than Belgium, right?”

Jens almost had to agree on that point. Or maybe he was just so desperate for people to hang out with, weed to smoke, that he’d take anything at this point. Even hanging out with the guy Lucas had an obvious crush on.

“Okay, so, I need an outsider’s point of view,” Jayden said a second later, and both Kes and Lucas groaned as if they knew exactly what was coming.

“Jesus Christ, Jayden,” Kes said. “We’ve been over this. No matter how many people you ask, no one’s going to say you should go after Janna.”

Jens frowned, taking another drag before reaching across the circle and holding the joint out to Lucas. Lucas glanced up before taking it, fingers brushing against Jens’. Curling his tingling fingers into a fist, he focused his attention on Jayden instead.

“Who’s Janna?”

“Engel’s friend,” Kes supplied. “The one who never brushes her hair.”

Jens remembered vaguely seeing a girl like that earlier, before Engel had disappeared.

“Pretty sure she’s into girls, man,” Lucas said, bringing the joint to his lips, and Jens looked away. Since when did he care about Lucas’ mouth? Since Lucas had smiled at him in class and Jens’ whole stomach had dropped to his knees.

“I’ve seen her kiss guys,” Jayden argued, stealing the joint from Lucas before he could hand it back to Kes.

“Doesn’t mean she’d kiss you.”

Jayden ignored Lucas, nodding at Jens instead, as if Jens’ opinion meant anything considering they’d just met ten minutes ago.

“You’re new, unbiased. Who’s the hottest girl you’ve seen so far?”

Jens hesitated. Honestly, he hadn’t much considered any of the girls since he’d been here. His mind had been much more preoccupied with the guy sitting across from him on the damp, springy grass, tugging tufts of it out of the ground. Lucas met Jens’ gaze for a second, a slight frown at his lips that Jens couldn’t figure out. What did Lucas have to be upset about?

He shrugged after a second. “To be honest, I think the guys are hotter than the girls here.”

The silence that followed his statement wasn’t something Jens was used to, but it wasn’t like he went around announcing his sexuality. He figured, though, if he was stuck here, he might as well get it out in the open from the beginning. At least take away the issue of having to come out every time. And if Lucas’ friends were going to be dicks about it, at least he’d know early on.

“Wait,” Jayden said, looking as though his brain was processing the information a bit slower than Kes, who was exchanging a glance with Lucas that Jens couldn’t read. “You’re gay? But you’re here with Engel.”

“I’m bi, actually,” Jens said, cautious, watching the guys around the circle. “Is that a problem?”

“Dude, no,” Kes said easily, grabbing his shoulder and giving him a friendly shake. Jens caught the way Lucas watched the interaction, Kes’ hand on his shoulder. “It’s totally cool. Right, Jayden?”

Jayden shook his head. “Yeah, just—does that mean you get twice the amount of ass?”

Lucas and Kes both groaned, but Jens felt a wave of relief as he smiled. “Apparently it means I get more than you.”

Jayden rolled his eyes as Kes and Lucas laughed.

“I like you,” Kes said seriously, plucking the joint from Jayden. “You can stay.”

Jens shouldn’t have cared that Kes liked him, but somehow, it was a relief, even when Lucas didn’t meet his gaze across the circle, picking at the grass instead.

He didn’t say anything about it, though, taking the joint Kes handed him a minute later and sitting back to listen to Kes ribbing Jayden about Janna instead.

*

Jens blinked away from the window as students filed in the classroom, the sun breaking through the clouds for the first time since Jens had been there. He hadn’t been sure there was even sun in the Netherlands.

Lucas entering caught his attention, and he wanted to roll his eyes at the thought, at the way he seemed to perk up at the sight. Not that Lucas ever talked to him in class despite the fact that Lucas sat right in front of him, only inches away, as though he didn’t know how tempting it was for Jens to reach out and brush the hair from his neck.

“Hey!” Jens broke his gaze from Lucas sliding into the chair in front of him, surprised to find the word coming from Kes as he took his seat on the other side.

“Hi,” he replied, confused. Somehow, he hadn’t expected the party to change anything even if they had smoked a couple joints and Jens had never made it back inside to find Engel. He still barely knew Kes or Jayden, and one joint didn’t change the fact that he was still the new kid.

Lucas sat silently in his chair, head down, and Jens contemplated the mole on his neck for a second as he didn’t turn. He wondered what Lucas thought of Kes being so friendly.

“You make it through the weekend okay? Didn’t get busted?”

Jens shrugged at Kes’ question. “My mom was asleep by the time I got home.”

The new house wasn’t as creaky as their old one, which meant Jens didn’t even need to try as hard to sneak in. It was a little bit of a disappointment if he admitted it to himself.

“Did you catch hell from Engel?” Kes asked with an amused smile as he dug in his bag for a pen. Jens couldn’t help glancing at Lucas, but Lucas didn’t appear to be listening. At least, he wasn’t looking at either Kes or Jens.

“No. She hasn’t even texted,” Jens said, checking his phone, but aside from a text from Robbe which he hadn’t replied to, there was nothing new. He wasn’t sure he should have felt bad about ditching her when she’d ditched him first. He supposed unless she said something, they would just ignore it. He definitely wasn’t interested in Engel and there was no point in leading her on.

“Maybe you’ll find a hot guy instead.” Kes laughed, leaning over to shove Lucas. “Hey, you still down for the skate park later? Jayden said he learned a new trick he wants to show us.” From the way Kes rolled his eyes, Jens took that to mean this wasn’t unusual.

Lucas finally looked up from his desk, glancing at Kes and jerking his shoulders. “I guess.”

Kes nodded at Jens then. “You skate?”

Jens wanted to laugh that Kes had never noticed him at the skate park before when Lucas certainly had. He saw the way Lucas stilled again, as though apprehensive about Jens’ answer. It was that more than anything that made Jens flash Kes a smile.

“All the time.”

“You should come with us,” Kes said easily, as though oblivious to how hard Lucas was listening. Lucas probably didn’t want Jens horning in on his time with his best friend, his crush.

“Sure,” Jens agreed just as easily, wishing he could see Lucas’ face, if he was frowning. “Sounds great.”

“Cool,” Kes said, sitting back in his seat. “Just meet us there after school with your board.”

Jens sat back, tapping his pen on the table as he watched Lucas instead, the way Lucas said nothing and focused on the board instead.

*

Jens didn’t text his mom to tell her he was going to the skate park. He was seriously rethinking this whole thing as he sat on the table, watching Kes razzing Jayden about his moves. Honestly, he wasn’t sure why he’d agreed to come.

It was stupid, the jealousy he felt when Kes shoved at Lucas, pushed him towards Jens. It was stupid that he felt anything at all for Lucas.

“Aren’t you gonna skate?” Lucas asked, stopping before the table. Over his shoulder, Jayden was attempting some trick that had left him with a skinned knee the last two times he’d tried. His failures hadn’t seemed to dampen his enthusiasm, though.

Jens shrugged in response. It was the first time Lucas had talked to him all day, the first time Lucas had thrown him more than a cursory glance as he sat on the table, rolling his board back and forth under his toe.

“The guys are gonna think you don’t know how.”

Glancing up, Jens lifted an eyebrow. “Do you care what they think?”

Lucas frowned, glancing over his shoulder. Kes waved at them both to come over.

“Why’d you come if you weren’t going to skate?” Lucas asked instead, and Jens shook his head, watching the way Lucas frowned at him, fingers curling around the hems of his pink sweatshirt’s sleeves, too long as they fell down his hands.

“Do you have a problem with me coming along?”

“Of course not. Why would I?” Lucas asked after a second, frowning slightly, and Jens didn’t answer that, though he had plenty of ideas, especially when Kes came up behind Lucas, draping himself over his shoulder.

“What are you two talking about?” he demanded, shaking Lucas firmly. Lucas bit his lip and didn’t reply. “Jens, you gotta show us some moves. Please. Before Jayden kills himself.”

“I heard that!” Jayden piped up from the ramp.

“I suppose I could teach you something,” Jens said, slipping from the table and hopping on his board. Glancing back at Lucas, he found Lucas’ eyebrows furrowed, as though he just couldn’t figure something out. Jens didn’t need to be figured out. He already had Lucas pegged and there was no point in letting it go any further.

*

The front door latched behind him as Jens dropped his bag on the floor and kicked off his shoes.

“Jens?” came his mother’s voice from the back of the house, and Jens maneuvered around the boxes still littering the living room. He passed Lotte on the couch, and she shot him a look.

“She’s mad,” she sing-songed at him and Jens rolled his eyes.

He wasn’t surprised when his mom stepped out from the kitchen a minute later, hands on her hips, a towel still in her hand. He long, brown hair was falling out of her bun as she fixed him with that look that usually meant he was about to be in trouble.

“Where were you?” she asked as Jens yanked off his jacket and tossed it aside.

“Out.” He shrugged vaguely. 

“Out where?” she repeated, gesturing at the windows. “It’s almost dark.”

“So? You never cared before.”

“Before, I knew you were with Robbe or Moyo or someone,” she said, as though it made any difference who Jens was with.

Jens laughed slightly. “So you move us to some random city in the Netherlands and now you’re upset when I hang out with people you don’t know? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

She sighed in that forcibly calm way she sometimes did when she thought Jens was being unreasonable. “I would just like you to at least send a message if you’re going to be home late.”

Jens wasn’t in the mood for this, not right now, not after a whole afternoon watching Lucas smiling at Kes, trying not to be jealous of the way they seemed so close, that Lucas was probably in love with Kes and Jens didn’t have a chance.

He didn’t want a chance, he reminded himself. He wanted to get through this year, maybe not hate everything about this place.

“Fine, I’ll text if I ever find someone worthwhile to hang out with here. I have homework to do.”

Jens brushed past her and her frown. She didn’t get to be upset. She was the one who had moved them here, proclaimed it would be some great “new start.” All it had been so far was a pain in his ass. 

He’d tried. He’d tried to make friends like she wanted him to, to show Lotte that it wasn’t so bad there, but how could he do that when he didn’t believe it himself?

The door rattled behind him and Jens threw himself on his bed, groaning into the pillow. It had been over a month in Utrecht and what did Jens have to show for it? A stupid crush on a guy who only had eyes for his best friend, a terrible date with a girl who hadn’t even tried to talk to him since then, and two guys who thought Jens was a good skater. That was it.

Rolling over, Jens sighed at the ceiling, bringing a hand to his stomach. It didn’t feel like anything was going to change any time soon.

A noise from his laptop made Jens turn, an incoming call as he flipped it open and sighed at Robbe’s name on the screen. He wasn’t really in the mood to pretend things were okay, not right now, but if he didn’t answer, Robbe would get worried.

“Hey,” he greeted Robbe as Robbe’s face popped up. Jens pushed himself up, pulling the laptop onto his lap as Robbe smiled through the camera.

“Hey.”

Sitting back against the headboard, Jens sighed. Robbe looked the same as always in his over-sized sweatshirt, his hair starting to grow out again. It hit Jens as he sat there that he hadn’t actually seen Robbe in over a month. It was the first time since grade school they’d been apart for so long.

“Why are you calling?” Jens asked finally when Robbe didn’t speak, and Robbe shrugged.

“Just wanted to see your ugly face.”

Jens smiled despite himself, rolling his eyes. “What made you think I wanted to see yours?”

Robbe rolled his eyes too, amused. “How are things going over there? Didn’t you say you were going to a party or something?”

Jens had written something in the groupchat days ago, more to prove somehow that things were okay in Utrecht, as if the guys needed to believe it. He honestly wasn’t sure why it mattered so much that they thought he was doing fine.

Because he’d always been the chillest of the group, he thought as Robbe waited for his answer. He was the rock. The one everyone relied on to be there. And now he wasn’t. Now, he felt completely out of his depth, treading water in this new place, unable to find his footing. At least back home, who he was hadn’t changed to his friends. He wanted to keep it that way.

“Yeah,” he said finally, shoving his hair from his eyes. “It wasn’t anything special.”

“Didn’t you go with someone?”

Engel, Jens thought. He’d seen her earlier today and she’d barely glanced his way. He didn’t suppose there’d be a second date, even if he’d wanted one.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “But I spent most of the time smoking with some guys in the garden.”

“New friends?” Robbe asked curiously, and Jens jerked his shoulders.

“Not really. You know you’re my only friend.”

“Yeah right,” Robbe scoffed. “You’re friends with literally everyone.”

_Everyone back home._

Jens didn’t say it, holding back his sigh. “I don’t know. There aren’t many interesting people here.”

On the screen, Robbe frowned slightly. “Not even one?”

Jens’ mind went immediately to Lucas, the guy who was smart and cute and sarcastic… at least when they were alone. Around his friends, he hardly talked to Jens. “I did skate with a couple guys today,” he admitted after a minute, though he wouldn’t consider Kes or Jayden friends. They were Lucas’ friends, and Lucas was the guy Jens was trying not to think about.

“Those sound like friends,” Robbe pointed out. “What’s wrong with them?”

“Nothing.” Jens shrugged. He supposed there was nothing wrong with them—Kes had only invited him to smoke because he’d found him alone in the kitchen. But Lucas, Lucas had talked to him even before that, been friendly outside of class. Lucas might have been his only real friend and Jens was ruining it by being a jerk about Kes.

The thought hit him out of nowhere as he sat there on his messy bed, boxes piled high in the corners of the room, still waiting to be unpacked as if by not unpacking them, Jens could pretend this wasn’t happening.

“Since when do you want me to get new friends?” he teased instead of voicing any of his thoughts, and Robbe shrugged.

“I just want you to be okay,” he said, and Jens had to sigh. Of course that was all Robbe wanted, for his friends to be happy.

“I’m okay,” he assured Robbe, despite Robbe’s apprehensive look through the screen. “Seriously. You don’t need to worry about me.”

Robbe nodded finally. “You know I’m still your best friend. If you ever want to talk about anything.”

There were plenty of things Jens wanted to talk about—Lucas and his stupid crush, the unfounded jealousy over Kes, how utterly lonely he’d been, but there was no point.

Instead, he flashed Robbe a smile. “I’m good.”

“Okay,” Robbe agreed, sighing slightly. “Well, tell Lotte hi for me.”

“I will,” Jens promised, and he slumped down on the bed as the call ended and he closed the laptop. He didn’t know why he couldn’t just tell Robbe about everything that had been going on. Robbe knew everything about him—he knew everything about Robbe. It wasn’t like Robbe wouldn’t understand. He’d gone through that whole thing with Sander last year.

Shaking his head to himself, Jens sighed. Robbe did have a point, though. Kes and Jayden and Lucas did sound like friends. Maybe he should make a real effort with Lucas and his friends instead of being annoyed that Lucas was into Kes. What did that matter? It wasn’t as if Jens was going to go after Lucas anyway. There was no point in starting something that wouldn’t go anywhere. Maybe he should take what he could get, make the best of a bad situation. Be friends with Kes and Lucas.

That was what he would do, he decided as he set his hands behind his head, settling against the headboard. He would make this work, somehow.

*

Jens had never had problems making friends before. He’d never been shy or tentative, never hesitated before talking to someone, never questioned a look someone threw his way. He wasn’t sure why it felt so different this time, as he spotted Kes and Lucas standing in the courtyard. They were just people. Just two guys who actually talked to Jens, so who was he to reject that?

“Hey,” he greeted them, interrupting whatever they were talking about as Kes turned to him, an easy smile appearing on his face.

He nodded in greeting. “What’s up?”

Jens jerked his shoulder in response, glancing at Lucas despite himself. He couldn’t help thinking that Lucas looked particularly good today, his hair windswept, falling in his eyes, for once without his usual jacket on the crystal clear morning. Lucas met his gaze, quirking a small smile in greeting.

At the clench in his stomach, Jens looked away. That wasn’t why he’d come over there.

“So I do this thing on my Instagram,” he said instead, focusing on Kes, who listened intently, “called Greasy Fridays where I post pictures of food, basically. I haven’t really found any good places yet. I was thinking you guys might know somewhere.”

“Bro,” Kes said easily, clapping Jens’ shoulder. “You are talking to the right people. Luc and I know all the good places.”

“Lucky me,” he joked, and Kes nodded seriously.

“It is lucky,” he said, “that I found you in that kitchen. What would you do without us to show you ropes of Utrecht?”

“Drink alone, I guess.”

Kes turned to Luc. “Do you have to go to your dad’s this weekend?”

Lucas shook his head, pulling his gaze from Jens to look at Kes. “Last time, he canceled at the last minute, so I think I’ll cancel on him this time.”

Kes frowned, but he didn’t say anything about it. “Great. Then we can all hit up somewhere on Friday after class.”

“Sure,” Lucas agreed, and Jens looked away this time. 

It probably wouldn’t be the same, hitting up some local cafe for greasy fries without Robbe, without Aaron complaining about whatever girl he liked this week, but at least it was better than sitting at home, watching Disney movies with his sister all weekend.

“There’s Jayden,” Kes said abruptly a minute later. “I wonder if he remembered to bring my textbook back.”

Jens didn’t follow Kes as he went to intercept Jayden from where he was talking to one of Engel’s friends. He was surprised to find that Lucas hadn’t followed him either, watching Jens instead.

“They seem to like you,” Lucas said after a minute, and Jens glanced back at Kes and Jayden.

“I guess.” He shrugged. He didn’t really care if they liked him or not, though it was admittedly nice to have people to talk to again.

“And they don’t care that you’re bi.”

Looking back, Jens arched an eyebrow at Lucas, the way he said it, almost as though surprised. “Is that surprising?”

“No,” Lucas said quickly, shaking his head. “Just…” He didn’t finish his thought, though, jerking his shoulders. “How long have you been out?”

“A couple months.” Jens wasn’t sure why it mattered. It wasn’t like he’d woken up one day and realized he suddenly liked guys too.

“Was it hard?”

“What?” Jens asked, watching Lucas scuff his shoe against the pavement.

“Coming out.”

Jens wasn’t sure why Lucas was asking except it was pretty obvious he hadn’t come out to his friends yet. Either that or Jens was reading the whole situation wrong. Maybe Lucas wasn’t into Kes. Maybe they were secretly fucking and Lucas was worried about what Jayden might say. Jens had no idea.

He shrugged finally. “Not really. My best friend is gay, so the shock of him coming out sort of negated anything afterward for our friends.”

“What about your parents?”

Jens hesitated there. “I haven’t told my mom yet, but there’s not really anything to tell unless I actually start dating a guy I like.”

Lucas didn’t reply, looking away as Kes and Jayden finally came over.

“Kes says we’re gonna eat our weight in fries this weekend,” Jayden said as they joined him and Lucas. “I’m totally in.”

“Cool,” Jens just said, watching the way Lucas snapped a smile on his face as Kes glanced at him.

Of course he did, he found himself thinking, forcing himself to look away and listen to whatever Jayden was saying about different places they could go.

*

Jens wasn’t sure how a group plan to hit up a greasy fry stand had turned into just him and Lucas sitting on the curb, Lucas offering Jens a taste of his different sauce. Kes had bailed not five minutes after arriving when his mom called—by the sound of the angry voice on the other end, he’d forgotten he was supposed to watch his siblings.

Jayden hadn’t even bothered to show up. He’d sent a text to Kes and Lucas that his flatmates were forcing him to help clean or they wouldn’t cook him food anymore.

So that left Jens and Lucas, comparing sauces, with Lucas heartily arguing against Belgium having the better fries.

“Come on,” Jens said, nudging Lucas’ knee with his own. “They were basically invented by us.”

Lucas shook his head. “Doesn’t make them better.”

“It definitely does,” Jens argued, stuffing a fry in his mouth. He did have to admit these fries were pretty good too, but he would never tell Lucas that.

“Is this what you’d be doing if you were back in Belgium?” Lucas asked, watching cars pass by on the street. The fry stand had a line now, so maybe this was one of the good places.

Jens shrugged, wiping his greasy fingers on a napkin. “There’d probably be a party tonight or something. Or maybe I’d just hang with my friends.”

He hadn’t texted the guys to see what they were doing. It would just make him feel worse, he was sure. The fact that he wasn’t there, wasn’t really part of the group anymore, no matter what they said.

Shaking away the thought, he glanced at Lucas beside him, too close on the sidewalk considering there was lots of space. “What do you guys usually do?”

Lucas shrugged, picking at his fries as though not particularly interested. “There’s probably a party somewhere, but it feels like we just spend the whole time smoking somewhere, so what’s the point in going? We could do that anywhere.”

“What about hooking up?” Jens asked. “Isn’t that what parties are for?”

Lucas didn’t reply for a minute, frowning at his cone of fries. “I guess,” he said finally, but he didn’t sound too enthusiastic.

Jens supposed Lucas wouldn’t be enthusiastic about the idea of Kes hooking up with people that weren’t him. As Jens thought about it, he didn’t like the idea of Lucas hooking up with some random stranger either.

That was not a productive thought, he told himself, digging out the last of the fries at the bottom of his cone, covered in sauce.

“You’ve got to do something other than skate,” Jens said at length, nudging Lucas’ shoulder gently. Too gently and he pulled away quickly. “That’s not all you do, is it?”

Lucas smiled slightly down at his shoes, and Jens swallowed down the ripple in his stomach. “No, that’s not all. I like going to concerts. I used to play tennis when I was young, but I was really uncoordinated.”

“Then how do you skate?” Jens asked, grinning when Lucas laughed.

“Badly,” he said with a shrug, meeting Jens’ gaze. “I broke my arm a couple years ago trying to do a stupid trick.”

Jens couldn’t help but smile at that. It was nice, being here with Lucas, without having to think about going home to his still, as of yet, unpacked bedroom and his mom’s questions about where he’d been, who he was with, if he was _making an effort._

“I bet I could teach you something,” he offered after a minute, and Lucas shrugged vaguely.

“I’d rather watch anyway.”

“What? Watching sweaty guys skating is your thing?”

It was a joke, but Jens couldn’t help but wonder if it was true, especially from the way Lucas’ gaze fell back to his shoes.

“Yeah, sure,” Lucas joked a second later, words laced with sarcasm as he shot Jens a reassuring smile. “That’s all I want to do.”

“I don’t mind it,” Jens said with a shrug.

Lucas didn’t reply for a second, crumpling the paper cone in his hand and tossing it into the trash can a few feet away.

“Plus I’ll do anything if it gets me out of the house,” Jens went on, and Lucas glanced over.

“Bad?”

Jens jerked his shoulders. “Not bad. Just… My mom wants me to believe this was the right decision, that forcing me to leave everything behind was somehow a good thing. She wants so badly for everything to be fine, but it’s not fine.”

Jens understood. He got why she wanted to leave, put some much-needed space between her and his dad, but what he didn’t understand was why he’d had to leave too. Lotte was almost eight years old. She could handle herself without Jens there to guide her.

“What about your dad?” Lucas asked, watching Jens carefully.

Jens shook his head. “He’s kind of a jerk.” That was the understatement of the century, but Jens didn’t really feel like going into the whole messy divorce, the way his dad couldn’t seem to let go, acted like he still controlled everything.

“So’s mine.” Lucas shrugged, and Jens glanced over, somehow feeling better at Lucas’ small smile.

“Yeah? What did he do?”

Jens wasn’t sure Lucas would answer when he frowned, zipping up his jacket against the chill wind as the sun set behind the buildings.

“He left,” was all Lucas said, and Jens nodded.

“I wish mine would have. Then I would still be in Antwerp.”

“Is it really that much better than here?” Lucas asked, and Jens had to shrug.

“I guess not except that I have friends there.”

“You have friends here too,” Lucas said, and Jens couldn’t help glancing over. 

“I do?” he asked curiously, and Lucas shot him a look, eyebrows high.

“What do you call Kes and Jayden?”

Jens paused. “I say they both bailed on us today.”

“But they would have been here,” Lucas pointed out. “They were supposed to be here.”

Jens didn’t say that he liked it better this way, with just Lucas for company. He wasn’t sure what Lucas would say to that, if Lucas wished he was Kes instead.

“You’re here,” Jens said instead, nudging Lucas’ shoulder, and he could swear Lucas blushed, but maybe it was just the cold air whipping past them. “I like that better.”

Lucas didn’t reply, stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets and gazing out at the street before him. Jens didn’t watch the street, content to watch Lucas for the moment as the street lights flickered on around them. Maybe Utrecht wasn’t so bad.

*

Scrolling through the comments under his picture of fries, Jens leaned back against the pillows on his bed, crossing his ankles as he paused on Robbe’s response. A sad face followed by, “Dutch fries can never compare.”

Sighing, Jens liked the comment and ignored Moyo’s response to Robbe that Jens was cheating on them.

As he scrolled through his feed, Jens wasn’t particularly interested in the pictures, especially not the ones Jana had posted of some party. Some party he hadn’t been at, some party he’d missed because he was stuck in Utrecht with no way out.

A banner popped up on his screen as he went through the feed.

_vanderheijden.lucas liked your post!_

Jens couldn’t help it, clicking Lucas’ name. If there was one thing he’d resisted doing, it was stalking Lucas online. He supposed it wasn’t considered stalking now that they were technically “friends” but still. Jens hadn’t searched for his Instagram or added him on Snapchat.

But now he was scrolling through Lucas’ profile—mostly aesthetic pictures of his face. Definitely photogenic, Jens found himself thinking. There were plenty of him with Kes. _Of course_.

Still, Jens couldn’t stop his smile at Lucas’ last photo—one of him sitting along a canal, the sun setting behind him. All the comments underneath were just Kes and Jayden making fun of him mercilessly.

“What are you doing?”

Jens jerked at Lotte’s voice filling his room, the door flying open.

“Knock, Lotte,” he snapped, closing out of Instagram quickly. “We talked about this.”

She didn’t look as though she cared, skipping over to Jens’ bed and crawling on the mattress before he could stop her. Her long brown hair fell messily down her back, as though it really needed to be brushed, and her dark eyes were wide and innocent. “What were you looking at?”

“Nothing,” he said, resigned as she settled in on the foot of the bed.

“Is it a girl?” she asked, drawing out the last word, as though she could tease Jens somehow.

“What do you want?” he asked instead of answering. It wasn’t a girl. Definitely not. He wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse, or any different at all.

“Can we have pizza for dinner?” she asked, bouncing on the mattress.

“Mom left food,” he said, but he didn’t really care. If he had to babysit his little sister, he should at least get some greasy take-out out of the deal.

It wasn’t as if he had anything else to do tonight, a Saturday night when he should have been out with friends, getting high or drunk or making out with some random person he wouldn’t remember in the morning. Instead, he was arguing about pizza with his seven-year-old sister.

“Lotte,” he said instead of arguing the point. They could get pizza. He didn’t care. “Do you like it here?”

She tilted her head to the side, round eyes narrowing slightly. “Yeah, why?”

“You don’t wish you were back home?”

She paused for a second before shrugging. “I miss my friends, but people here are nice too. Plus, there are canals. I like canals.”

Jens smiled at that, shaking his head. “I’m glad you like the canals.”

For a second, Lotte didn’t reply, watching him. “Why are you so sad all the time?”

Sighing, Jens turned his phone over in his hands. “I just miss everything.”

Everything was different here, even if it wasn’t. He wasn’t sure he could explain it to Lotte, who just blinked at him, as though she didn’t get it.

“Go find a pizza place nearby,” he said a second later, shoving her off the bed. “Then we’re gonna watch a movie, okay?”

“Okay!” she said eagerly, hopping off the bed and running for her phone. Turning his own phone over, he brought up Instagram again, pausing on Lucas’ photo. It was another second before he tapped the heart. Maybe he could learn something from Lotte, at the very least, to appreciate canals.

*

Jens couldn’t deny the tiny bit of jealousy that still cropped up when Kes passed Lucas the joint and their fingers brushed together, but he shoved it away, shifting against the hard porcelain of the tub edge pressed to his back. Jayden’s bathroom was small, crowded with them all inside, the window open in an attempt to clear the smoke heavy over their heads.

“You guys always smoke in here?” Jens asked, letting his leg press against Lucas’ beside him, and Lucas barely reacted, taking a long drag of the joint.

“Liv gets pissed if we do it in the living room,” Jayden said, reaching over to smack at Lucas. “Share, bro.”

Rolling his eyes, Lucas held the joint out to Jens, who took it carefully from his fingers.

“Jayden’s scared of Liv,” he said, and Jayden scoffed.

“She’s the only one who knows how to cook. I can’t afford to piss her off.”

“Or else you’d starve ‘cause you’re helpless.” Kes laughed, grimacing a second later as he hit his head on the wall behind him.

“Which one’s Liv?” Jens asked, handing off the joint to Jayden. He’d only gotten a brief glance of the flat when he’d arrived, some bleach-blond guy in a bathrobe sitting on the couch that Jayden had introduced only as Ralph before herding them into the bathroom and breaking out the weed.

“Dark, curly hair. Red lipstick, Engel’s friend.”

Jens remembered her, the girl that had been with Engel when she asked him out. “You live with her?”

Jayden shrugged in response, blowing out the smoke.

“She’s like his mom,” Kes teased, stealing the joint from Jayden.

“Shut up,” Jayden said. “Like either of your moms would let us get high in the bathroom.”

Beside Jens, Lucas shook his head, sliding down in the tub, legs hanging over the edge. His shoulder was heavy against Jens, but Jens didn’t move away. He knew, logically, he had no shot with Lucas, that he shouldn’t even be trying, that Lucas was into someone else, or maybe not even gay. But Jens had never had a problem getting with people before. The only time it had ever been hard was with Jana, and in the end, they hadn’t worked out at all.

Maybe it was the weed making Jens not care as he let his hand rest on Lucas’ knee. Only Lucas seemed to notice, blinking at the hand and then at Jens.

“I definitely don’t know any moms like that,” Jens said, ignoring the way Lucas was gazing at him, the crinkle between his eyebrows as though trying to figure something out. Jens was far too high to figure anything out even as the door swung open and Liv stood there, frowning at all four of them.

“Jayden, it was your turn to go grocery shopping this week,” she said, and Jayden smacked a hand to his face.

“Fuck.”

Liv merely shook her head, eyes traveling over the rest of the guys and landing on Jens. “Ah, Jens.”

“Uh, yeah?” he asked, watching the way her eyes fell to his hand still resting casually on Lucas’ knee.

“Are you ever gonna call Engel?” she asked after a second, and Jens felt more than saw the way all the guys grimaced.

“Why?” he asked, frowning. As far as he was concerned, their “date” hadn’t been anything special. They’d only spent ten minutes together before she’d gone to find someone and never came back.

“Because you went out with her then ignored her for over a week,” Liv said, sounding annoyed, but Jens just shook his head.

“We spent ten awkward minutes at a party together, then she ran off. That doesn’t sound like a match made in heaven to me.” He smiled slightly even as Liv rolled her eyes. He didn’t need the third degree about a terrible date from someone who was practically a stranger. “If she wants to text me, she can, but I don’t have anything to say.”

Liv didn’t reply to that, rolling her eyes and leaving the bathroom behind, careful to shut the door a little too hard.

“Ooh, you’re in trouble,” Jayden said as the door latched, laughing almost gleefully.

“I didn’t even hook up with Engel. What does she care?” Jens asked, frowning at the door. He hadn’t done anything wrong.

Kes shrugged, handing off the joint to Lucas. “You know how girls are. Us guys don’t care who our friends hook up with, as long as they’re getting some. Right, Luc?”

“Luc’s not getting any,” Jayden scoffed, and Lucas frowned at the joint. “Not since Kaya last year.”

“At least I’ve had girlfriends,” Lucas shot back, glancing at Jens for just a second before passing the joint along.

“You mean hook-ups,” Jayden corrected him. “Because you just ‘didn’t want anything serious.’” He said it in a mocking tone that Lucas rolled his eyes at, but Jens swore his cheeks went a little pink. “Our little player.”

“Fuck off,” Lucas muttered instead of arguing. 

“Come on,” Kes said, nudging Lucas playfully. “We gotta find you someone special.”

Lucas just rolled his eyes in response, shifting his knee away from Jens, as though suddenly uncomfortable. Jens took another hit of the joint, hoping the buzz might help him ignore the clench of disappointment deep in his chest as Lucas moved closer to Kes instead, putting what little space he could between them.

“How about that girl with the curly hair who’s always smiling at you,” Jens piped up, holding the smoke in his lungs for a second before exhaling slowly. He felt better even as Lucas’ eyes widened.

“Isa? No. No, no, no.”

“Why not? She’s pretty.” Jens saw the look Lucas shot Kes, the look on Kes’ face. What was wrong with Isa? Maybe Lucas wasn’t as deep in the closet as he thought if he wouldn’t bother pretending with an obviously pretty girl.

“She’s…” Lucas started, hesitating, and Kes sighed beside him.

“She’s my ex.”

“Oh,” Jens said, watching the way Lucas dropped his gaze to his shoes. “Sorry.”

Kes shrugged. “It’s cool. We’re friends.”

That didn’t seem like the end of the story, but Jens didn’t ask any more, letting Lucas take the joint back as Jayden complained loudly about hogging instead.

*

“I’m starting to think you and I are the only ones who care about my Instagram,” Jens said, unable to stop his smile at Lucas across the table, dipping his fries in the sauce.

Lucas smiled too, shrugging. “They’re shitty friends, what can I say?”

“They don’t seem that bad,” Jens allowed, although he definitely cared less about Kes and Jayden than he did about Lucas as he sat back in his chair, glancing out the window for a moment. 

The cafe’s walls were painted all teal, the big windows filling the place with light despite the clouds outside, shining over Lucas’ face.

“They’re not,” Lucas admitted after a minute, and Jens kind of wished he hadn’t said it. Obviously, Lucas was thinking about Kes. He glanced at Jens, though. “How come you never go back to Antwerp?”

Jens shook his head. “Don’t have any money.”

“The bus is only seven euros,” Lucas pointed out, and Jens raised an eyebrow.

“Did you check?”

He could have sworn Lucas’ cheeks went pink as he rolled his eyes. “I was just curious.”

He didn’t stop to think what that meant—it could only lead to an unhappy end, but Jens smiled slightly anyway. He shook his head, though, pushing his tray away from him. “The truth is, I don’t think going back would make me feel any better.”

“What do you mean?”

“It just feels like they’re going on without me.” He couldn’t explain it much beyond that. It was just a feeling he got every time someone posted a new picture, every time there was a new message in the group chat, every time Jens was reminded that he wasn’t there, that he was missing everything.

Lucas nodded slowly, watching Jens pick at his fries. “Well, so are you,” he said finally, and Jens scoffed.

“It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like I’m just passing time here until whatever comes next, you know?”

“Yeah,” Lucas agreed quietly, looking away as if maybe he understood it better than Jens even knew. “But, I mean, there could be something here to make it better, couldn’t there?”

Jens didn’t reply for a moment, contemplating Lucas across the table, wearing that pink sweatshirt of his again, sleeves falling over his hands as he reached for his drink. It made Jens think of early mornings, Lucas in that sweatshirt and nothing else, crawling into bed with coffee, soft kisses, laughter and crumpled sheets, sunlight streaming through curtains and falling in long slats across the bed.

Shaking away the mental image, he reached for a fry. “Better fries,” he said at length, and Lucas laughed, eyes crinkling.

“You’re hopeless.”

“I’m right,” Jens said, tossing the fry at Lucas, who ducked and tossed one of his own back.

“Some day you’re gonna have to prove that,” Lucas said, laughing, digging the fry out of his lap, and Jens couldn’t help smiling, his heart swelling as Lucas shot him a playful glare. 

He shrugged instead. “Maybe some day I will.”

*

Jens smiled at the photo Lucas posted on his Instagram, one of him at the cafe from Friday, edited to look just as artsy as the rest of his pictures.

_Dutch fries for the win_ , was the caption and Jens rolled his eyes as he brought up his messages.

Some animated movie played on the TV as Jens typed into his phone, ignoring Lotte on the other end of the couch, enthralled with whatever was happening on the screen. 

_You shouldn’t lie to people like that_ , he wrote, sending the message to Lucas.

Lucas’ reply was swift.

_It’s the truth._

Rolling his eyes, Jens slid down into the cushions. His mom had gone to some meeting tonight, leaving Jens to watch Lotte, although he didn’t think she needed much supervision these days. But he hadn’t had anything else to do on a Tuesday night.

_Some day, we are going to Belgium and you’re going to realize how wrong you are._

He smiled at his message, watching the typing bubble pop up.

_Road trip!_ Lucas wrote, followed by, _We should leave Jayden at home. He gets car sick._

Smiling, Jens glanced up, but Lotte was still engrossed by the movie.

_Like a puppy,_ Jens sent.

_Exactly._

_Maybe it should be just you and me,_ Jens typed in before stopping, staring at the words in the box. He couldn’t send that. He wanted to. God, he wanted to, to see what Lucas might say to that.

Lately, he thought he’d done pretty well, ignoring how much he liked when Lucas smiled at him, how much more open Lucas was when they were alone. But they were friends, he told himself firmly as he deleted the message. They were friends and Jens had few of those. He couldn’t afford to lose any. Not right now.

So he took a breath instead.

_You, me, and Kes,_ he wrote instead. _Sounds like a plan._

For a moment, Jens stared at the typing bubble, but it disappeared, and he sighed.

“You’re not watching the movie,” Lotte complained as Jens set the phone on his lap.

“Okay, okay,” he said, but as soon as his phone vibrated, he snatched it up.

_My mom just broke a bunch of plates. I have to go._

Disappointed, Jens let out a breath, but he sent a thumbs up emoji in return. It wasn’t the response he’d hoped for, but he supposed mentioning Kes would never get him the response he wanted. So he set the phone aside and settled in to watch the movie instead.

*

**Moyo**   
_Dude are you ever coming back?_   
_You’re missing out on so much_

**Robbe**   
_Like getting drunk at parties? You’re not missing anything. Except us._

**Moyo**   
_Like that outfit Noor was wearing last time. So hot!_

**Robbe**   
_Can we not discuss my ex-girlfriend’s clothing choices?_

**Moyo**   
_”Girlfriend”_

Scrolling through the group chat, Jens sighed as he leaned against the wall of the school. It wasn’t time to go in, but he hadn’t wanted to hang around home any longer with his mom asking what his plans were for the weekend, as if he should have plans.

He didn’t reply to the guys even though he knew he should, exiting the chat instead. He didn’t know what to say any more. It wasn’t like he had money to go back to Antwerp, and his mom kept saying he should give it time here before he went back, that he’d never adjust if he just went home every weekend. He thought it was more that she didn’t want to be alone.

Pulling up Instagram, Jens scrolled through the pictures, people he didn’t really care about, pausing on the latest photo Robbe had posted. As usual, it was him and Sander in an adorably sweet picture, Sander pressing a kiss to Robbe’s cheek, Robbe’s grin spreading over his whole face. Jens double-clicked quickly, liking the photo and sighing to himself.

“Who’s that?”

Jens hadn’t noticed Lucas approaching, peeking at the phone curiously. Lucas was too close as Jens looked up, an easy smile on his face as he adjusted his bag and moved back.

“My friend, Robbe,” Jens said, showing Lucas the picture better. “The blond is his boyfriend, Sander.”

“Cute,” Lucas said and Jens paused.

“Cute?”

Lucas shrugged. “What else am I supposed to say?”

Jens shrugged, nudging Lucas. It was easier somehow, without the rest of the guys, to joke with Lucas, as if Lucas loosened up without them there. “I don’t know about you, but I think Sander’s pretty hot. Robbe definitely dated up.”

Lucas actually laughed at that. “Have you ever told him that?”

“That Sander’s hot? Sure.”

Lucas shook his head, taking the phone from Jens’ hands and clicking through Robbe’s profile. “That you think Sander is hotter than him.”

“He’s my best friend,” Jens said with a grimace. “I don’t want to think of him like that.”

“Right,” Lucas muttered after a second, and Jens wondered if it would always come back to Kes with Lucas. Handing back the phone, Lucas paused, watching Jens tuck it in his pocket. 

“How’s your mom?” Jens asked, and Lucas looked up at him, a furrow of confusion crossing his face for a second before he seemed to remember.

“Oh,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “Fine. She’s fine.”

“She just clumsy like you?” he asked, nudging Lucas easily, but Lucas didn’t crack a smile. “I’m kidding.”

Lucas nodded. “I know.” He didn’t elaborate, though, tucking his hands in his jean pockets. “Hey, Jens,” he said slowly, licking his lips, taking a breath as though fortifying whatever he was going to say next. “I know you’re into—”

“Partying without me, huh?” Kes’ voice interrupted Lucas, and Lucas stopped quickly, grimacing, though Jens wished he hadn’t. He wanted to know how that sentence ended. Kes nodded at them both as he arrived.

“You’re the best partier I know,” Lucas replied with a swift smile, sarcastic, the moment gone, and Kes shoved his arm.

“How about we just prove it this weekend? I heard Janna’s throwing a rager at her house.”

“Then Jayden will definitely want to go.” Lucas snorted, shaking his head.

Kes nodded at Jens. “You in?”

Jens shrugged. “Not like I have anything else to do.”

Kes laughed easily, grabbing Lucas’ shoulder. “Glad to you know you like us so much. Luc, you’re coming, right? We gotta find someone for you to make out with. It’s been too long, bro.”

Lucas just sighed and didn’t answer. Kes didn’t seem to notice, though, as the bell rang.

“Just a couple hours then we can hit the skate park? Jayden swears he mastered the trick which probably means we’ll spend all night in the emergency room,” Kes said with a laugh as they headed for the door. It was Lucas’ amused smile as Jens caught his eye that made Jens smile too as they made their way inside.s

*

Jens had lost track of Lucas after he’d gone to get another drink—Lucas’ third of the night—disappearing into the throng of people all over Janna’s living room, some hanging out on the balcony, a few making out hot and heavy on the couch, the air filled with smoke, a low thrum of music deep in Jens’ chest as he leaned against the wall with Jayden.

Kes was across the room, talking with Isa, smiling a little too much, and Jens took a swig of his drink as he watched.

“What’s the deal with Kes and Isa?” he asked Jayden. Jayden didn’t even pull his gaze from a girl across the room, one with a short skirt and bleached hair.

He shrugged instead. “It’s like he said. They dated. It was a fucking mess. Drama all the time. They broke up. Now, they’re whatever they are.”

It looked like they were flirting to Jens as Isa laughed and Kes touched her arm in return. He couldn’t help wondering what Lucas thought about that, if it made his stomach curl in jealousy the same way Jens’ had a month ago.

Jayden laughed a second later, though, nudging Jens’ side and nodding through the crowd.

“Looks like Luc finally scored.”

Following his eye line, Jens spotted Lucas on the other side of the room, backed up against a wall, hands sliding down some girl’s backside, her long brown hair swishing as they kissed, messy, almost performative if Jens let himself think about it.

He didn’t let himself think about it, though, draining what was left in his beer. It wasn’t jealousy this time that he felt as Lucas’ hands slid over the girl’s ass. He wasn’t sure what it was exactly that made him annoyed, stopping himself from rolling his eyes as Jayden laughed. Maybe he’d had enough beer that he just didn’t care. Maybe it was that somehow, he knew Lucas didn’t care about that girl, that he knew exactly why Lucas would do that.

Turning from the sight of Lucas with his tongue down a girl’s throat, Jens’ gaze fell on Kes again. Kes wasn’t even looking at Lucas, still standing, talking with Isa, a bit more casually now, and Jens set his drink down before heading their way. It would be all too easy to focus on Lucas right now, something he shouldn’t have been doing.

Kes caught sight of him first, flashing Jens an easy smile. “Is, have you met Jens? He’s new.”

Isa smiled slightly as she appraised him. “I’ve heard things.”

“That I’m a shitty date?” Jens asked, and Isa laughed, eyes crinkling.

“Pretty much,” she agreed. “I hear you’re just another run-of-the-mill stoner from Belgium.”

Jens nodded. “Sums me up,” he said, and Isa laughed again. She was cute, and he could see why Kes would into her. He didn’t miss the way Kes watched her, eyes fond.

“I’m sure there’s more than that,” she said, generous, and Jens didn’t reply, glancing over his shoulder, but Lucas and the girl were gone, and he forced himself to focus on Isa and Kes instead.

*

Jens hadn’t seen anyone in a while, wandering through the crowded living room, past the couples on the couch, the girls giggling in the corner, someone smoking on the balcony. He wasn’t sure what time it was, but it was probably past the time he should have left.

He didn’t head for the kitchen for another drink, heading for the front door instead. He needed some fresh air, away from the smell of smoke and alcohol.

The air was chill outside as he stepped out, pausing the take a breath, clear his head. Stepping onto the lawn, he wandered aimlessly for a minute, grass wet underfoot, a few people hanging around outside, drinking, talking, someone asleep on the lawn.

Kicking an empty beer bottle out of his way, Jens rounded the corner of the house to the small garden. He was surprised when his eyes landed on a familiar figure, back to Jens as he sat on the low garden wall, head bowed.

Hesitating, Jens paused a second before heading for Lucas, coming up behind him.

“What are you doing?” he asked, watching Lucas’ head shoot up, a sharp look as Jens climbed over the wall and settled in beside him.

Lucas let out a breath as he shrugged. “Just needed some air.”

“Thought you were borrowing it from that girl,” Jens joked, watching the way Lucas frowned.

“You saw that?”

“Hard to miss.”

Lucas looked away, hands curling around the edge of the wall. “I had a lot to drink.”

Jens nudged his shoulder gently, all the annoyance from earlier draining away at the look on Lucas’ face. “You don’t need to explain it to me.” Jens had made out with plenty of girls when he was drunk. Of course, he also liked girls whereas he wasn’t so sure about Lucas.

Looking up, Lucas seemed to pause, biting his lower lip. Jens wasn’t sure what Lucas was looking at as they sat there, snatches of laughter and music reaching them across the garden, through the bushes. 

“Still feel like I should,” he said, a slump to his shoulders.

It was a clear night, Janna’s house a bit away from town, and they could see the stars out here, blanketing the night sky.

“Jens,” Lucas said after a minute, seemingly closer than before as Jens looked away from the sky.

“Hmm?” he asked as their shoulders pressed together, and he saw the way Lucas’ gaze dropped to his mouth, just for a second. He saw Lucas swallow, almost nervous.

“Do you like—” Lucas started, but Jens cut him off with a swift kiss pressed to his lips, and it was only a second of Lucas freezing before he kissed back. He would blame the alcohol coursing through his system, but it wasn’t just that. It was all the weeks of being so close to Lucas, so close and knowing it wouldn’t work, knowing they were just supposed to be friends when it was the last thing Jens wanted.

The kiss wasn’t as smooth as Jens would have liked, a little too fumbling as he opened his mouth, invited Lucas in, reached for his neck, pulled him in closer.

Lucas was good at this—Jens supposed he should have figured that from the way Lucas had been kissing that girl. He’d tried not to wonder what kissing Lucas would be like, but he hadn’t been able to stop himself. Not this time, not this close to Lucas, sitting on a ledge in the dark, Lucas looking adorable and sad somehow.

Lucas’ eyes were closed when Jens pulled back, lips lingering together a second, soft, Jens’ heart thrumming in his throat. He felt like he’d been waiting to do that for weeks, to taste Lucas, to feel how soft his skin was, to draw him in and kiss him like it was all that mattered.

“… Kes,” Lucas breathed, and Jens pulled back at the name, frowning as Lucas opened his eyes.

“What?”

“Do you like Kes?” Lucas asked him as if they hadn’t just kissed, as if Jens’ fingers weren’t still resting against his neck.

“Are you kidding?” Jens asked after a second, staring at Lucas, feeling something heavy drop into his stomach.

“No?” Lucas said slowly, licking his lips. “You said you thought he was hot.”

Jens opened his mouth, but he didn’t even know where to start. This was ridiculous. This whole situation was ridiculous and if Jens had just stuck to not caring, to not bothering to make friends, he wouldn’t be in it. He wouldn’t be faced with Lucas’ furrowed brows, the frown tugging at the edge of his mouth, as if dreading Jens’ answer.

“Fuck,” Jens breathed, moving back from Lucas, shaking his head. “No, I don’t like Kes,” he said simply, anger rippling through him as Lucas just sat there. “He’s all yours.”

“What?” Lucas asked this time, staring as Jens pushed himself off the ledge, brushing off his jeans. 

“If you want to pine over your straight best friend, that’s your business. I don’t want him. I’m not your competition. You can do whatever you want with him.”

Lucas opened his mouth, looking more confused than relieved. “Wait, that’s not—”

Jens shook his head, wishing he’d never come out here in the first place. He’d thought, just for a minute, that maybe he had a shot. But all Lucas cared about was Kes. As Jens had suspected. “I don’t know what your deal is, but whatever you want from Kes, I’m not gonna get in your way.”

He didn’t wait for Lucas to respond, turning and heading for the front gate. If Lucas was in love with Kes, that was his problem. Jens didn’t need to get in the middle of that. He should have just stayed home, played video games, never tried to be friends with Lucas. This whole move had been one mistake after another, and Jens finally learned his lesson.

*

Jens glanced at his phone as it rang, a Facetime request, Robbe’s face on the screen, but Jens just sighed and turned the phone over. He didn’t want to talk to Robbe. He didn’t want to read the group texts from the guys about whatever happened last night at some party he hadn’t been at. His own party had definitely not turned out how he’d thought it might.

This wasn’t him, Jens thought as he lay on his bed, hands on his stomach, staring unseeingly at the ceiling. He wasn’t the guy who lay around overthinking everything. He wasn’t the guy who kept replaying the way Lucas had asked, ‘do you like Kes?’ as if Jens could possibly like anyone other than the idiot in front of him.

He should never have tried to make friends, never let Lucas catch his eye in the first place, never thought it could work here in Utrecht.

A knock on his bedroom door made Jens sigh, but he didn’t have to answer as it swung open gently.

“Jens,” his mom said, stepping inside without being invited. He didn’t have the energy to fight with her today, though. “Are you planning on getting up?”

“No,” he said simply, looking back to the ceiling as his phone buzzed with a new text. Probably Robbe.

“You know, you’ve never been the moping type,” she said, and when he didn’t respond, she sighed, moving over to the bed where she perched on the edge. “I know this move hasn’t been easy, but I appreciate you trying.”

Jens wasn’t sure there’d been any point. The guy he liked was only concerned that Jens didn’t like _his_ crush. He’d somehow already gotten a reputation with the girls as being a shitty date who didn’t call after, and now he was ignoring the only real friends he had back home.

“Lotte seems to be doing okay,” his mom said, and Jens rolled his eyes.

“She fit right in,” he said, wondering how he could be envious of his little sister. He’d always been the easy-going one, the one to make friends right away, but that had been in Antwerp. In a different life. 

It wasn’t that he hadn’t made friends here. Jayden and Kes. But did they really count? They were Lucas’ friends first.

“You’ll find your people,” she said after a minute, patting his arm reassuringly. “Life is funny that way. The right things happen when you least expect it.”

Jens wondered when she’d gotten so philosophical, but he supposed, there had been a change since they’d moved. She did seem happier. He supposed he hadn’t paid much attention before, and he’d been too mad when she’d announced the move to really care why she was doing it.

He didn’t respond as she rose from the bed, pausing at the door.

“Now get up and come help me make lunch.”

Jens didn’t groan as she left the door open behind her and disappeared down the hall. His phone buzzed again with a reminder text, but he didn’t look at it, leaving it facedown on the bed as he lay there and didn’t get up.

*

Jens slid into the classroom just as a second bell rang—he’d been purposefully late this morning, wasted time in the shower, taken the long way to school, just so he wouldn’t have to spend those few minutes with Lucas, Lucas and Kes, in the morning.

But Lucas’ chair was empty as Jens sat down, dumping his bag on the floor, allowing himself a minute frown. Glancing over, he found Kes in his usual seat, pulling out a textbook and seemingly unconcerned with Lucas’ absence.

“Where’s Luc?” Jens heard himself ask, the words tumbling out before he could stop them. He didn’t care where Lucas was. Lucas certainly wouldn’t have cared if he wasn’t there.

“He’s not coming today,” Kes just said, and he didn’t seem like anything was wrong. 

“Is he sick?”

“No,” Kes replied simply, but he didn’t elaborate.

Jens was left to wonder where the hell Lucas was as the teacher began. Was Lucas avoiding him too? Lucas had no reason to avoid Jens. Jens had cleared the path to Kes for him. Lucas should have been overjoyed, though the thought made Jens glare at his book instead.

Had Lucas finally told Kes how he felt and now Lucas was avoiding Kes?

Frowning at Lucas’ empty seat before him, Jens couldn’t figure out the answer. With a sigh, he sat back finally, glancing over to catch Kes watching him.

“What?” he whispered as the teacher passed by, but Kes shrugged.

“Nothing.”

It wasn’t a satisfactory answer, but Jens didn’t want to know what Kes knew. If he knew anything. If he and Lucas were going to spend the rest of the year making out in the courtyard for Jens to see.

So he didn’t look back at Kes again for the rest of class and tried to forget he’d ever liked Lucas in the first place.

*

It was much harder to forget Lucas than Jens had hoped after the third day he didn’t show up to school. Both Kes and Jayden hadn’t had much to say on the subject, which only annoyed Jens more than he cared.

“You okay, bro?” 

Jens looked up from the sidewalk, somehow still surprised Kes was there, walking with him in the vague direction of the skate park even though neither of them had their boards. It wasn’t as if he and Kes had really connected since he’d been there.

“Fine,” he lied, fingers closing around his phone as it vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out, he sighed at Robbe’s name on the screen. So far, he hadn’t talked to Robbe, had ignored the group chat constantly buzzing about things he wasn’t around for, always asking when he was coming to visit.

Jens didn’t want to hear about it, about all the things he was missing out on back home.

Kes just nodded as Jens tucked the phone back in his pocket.

“You don’t need to worry,” Kes said after a minute, kicking a rock down the sidewalk, watching it roll into the street.

“About what?” Jens glanced over, eyebrows raised as Kes shrugged, flashing him an easy smile.

“Luc. He’s fine.”

Jens opened his mouth to argue that he didn’t care about Lucas, but he couldn’t. Instead, he frowned, plucking a leaf off a bush they passed. He wasn’t sure why Kes was saying it, why Kes cared. Kes didn’t know. He didn’t know about Lucas’ crush on him, didn’t even know that Lucas was into guys.

“Okay,” he said finally, for lack of anything else to say in the moment.

Kes glanced at him, pausing as though debating his next words. “Look, it’s something personal, and I’m sure he’ll tell you eventually. It’s just hard for him.”

Jens had no idea what that meant. What could be more personal than Lucas’ feelings for Kes, something Jens was fully aware of? It was the whole reason for the pit in Jens’ stomach, the clench in his gut as he forced himself to keep walking. He wasn’t sure where he was going, if he cared, if he just didn’t want to go home, what he was avoiding.

He also wasn’t sure why Kes was still there.

“I don’t care,” he said finally, flashing a smile at Kes instead.

Kes didn’t look convinced. “I know you’re close,” he said and Jens couldn’t help looking up at that. What did Kes know? “I know he likes you. We all do. You’re cool and I’m glad you moved here, and Luc’s not ever been that great at meeting new people, at least not without my help.” He smiled slightly but shook his head, turning to Jens, who quickly hid the confusion on his face. Why exactly was Kes telling him all this? He couldn’t know. He didn’t know. “And I know it feels like we’re not telling you something, but it’s Lucas’ thing. Not ours.”

Tearing up the leaf in his hand, Jens didn’t reply. If Lucas had a secret, Jens didn’t need to know it. Kes could know and they could weather it together.

As much as Jens wanted to be over this, he wasn’t, but somehow, in this moment, he wasn’t angry at Kes. Kes was here, offering something—maybe comfort? Jens wasn’t sure what it was or why Kes cared.

“Hey,” Kes said as they reached the skate park, stepping in front of Jens to stop him, grinning as he dug in his pocket and held up a joint triumphantly. “You wanna?”

For a second, Jens thought about refusing, making up some excuse about homework or babysitting, but what was the point? Kes may have been the object of his crush’s obsession, but he was offering free weed, and fuck, Jens needed to forget about everything at this point.

“Yeah,” he said finally, sighing to himself as Kes turned and headed for a distant bench. Fuck, if only he could just forget.

*

_Are you okay?_

_You haven’t answered any of my calls lately._

_Seriously Jens. You can’t ignore me forever. Are you even getting these?_

Jens scrolled through Robbe’s messages with a sigh before closing out of the app, sinking into the couch and rubbing his forehead. He didn’t know what to say to Robbe, if he could pretend things were okay even for a phone call, even for a text. He didn’t _want_ to talk to Robbe and hear about how great things were going with Sander, how the broerrs were doing, that Aaron finally got laid. 

Maybe Robbe was worried. Maybe he did care that Jens was all alone in Utrecht with his myriad of unsolvable problems. But it didn’t feel like it. It hadn’t felt like it for weeks.

“What are you doing?” Lotte jumped on the couch next to Jens, who rolled his eyes. He wasn’t in the mood to entertain her.

“Go away,” he said instead, but she didn’t move.

“I’m going to Amsterdam with my friend Karianne this weekend,” she said excitedly. “Her mom’s gonna take us to the giant swing over the city.”

“Cool,” Jens said, deadpan, and she seemed to catch it, shoving at his shoulders.

“You’re just jealous ‘cause I have friends and you don’t.”

Scoffing, Jens glared at her instead. “Shut up.” He couldn’t be jealous of a seven-year-old. Could he?

“It’s true,” she sing-songed, poking at his cheek with her tiny, sharp fingers, and he slapped them away.

“If you don’t stop it, I’m gonna sit on you,” he threatened, and she made a face.

“You wouldn’t.”

“You sure about that?” Jens asked her, seeing the uncertainty on her face, and when he lurched forward, she fell off the couch with a squeal, scrambling down the hall instead.

“Jens, don’t scare your sister!” his mom called from the other room, and he rolled his eyes.

Curling up, Jens didn’t check his phone when it vibrated again. There was nothing there to comfort him, to make him feel less alone, and he sighed into the living room and watched the sunlight dance across the blank TV screen instead.

*

Friday was usually Jens’ favorite day of the week—the end of school, a whole weekend to do whatever he wanted. He used to spend his weekends with friends, playing games, skating, making stupid videos. But now, the weekend just meant a whole two days of Jens with absolutely nothing to do.

Dragging his feet, Jens passed a few people outside the gate, wincing at the first icy drop of rain that hit his cheek. Overhead, the clouds rumbled distantly, grim and grey, promising a dreary day ahead.

Most people were headed inside already as Jens got to the courtyard, but his eyes were drawn immediately across the open space to the low stone bench curving around the greenery in the middle of the courtyard. It wasn’t the bench that caught his attention, not the way the bushes bent in the wind.

It was the sight of Lucas’ unmistakable jean jacket, the way his arms were wrapped around Kes in a hug that Jens felt all the down the back of his spine. For a second, he couldn’t move, watching the hug as if happening in slow motion—how Kes pulled back first, patted his shoulder, left his hand there, saying something Jens couldn’t hear.

The past couple days, all the work Jens had tried to do, to forget about his feelings for Lucas, to tell himself that there was no point, that he shouldn’t care at all. It all came rushing back: anger, stupidity, disappointment.

His heart thudded in his chest when he saw Kes nod at him, and Lucas turned.

Jens didn’t want this. He didn’t want to have to see Lucas and Kes as some weird happy couple that he just got in the way of for so long, actually thought there was a shot. He didn’t belong here and that was clear enough. He didn’t belong anywhere.

As Lucas’ eyes fell on him, Jens took a step back, turning sharply on his heel. He wasn’t going to stick around for this. He couldn’t.

“Jens!” he heard Lucas’ voice, faint, almost not quite trying, behind him, but he didn’t stop, striding out of the gate and turning down the sidewalk.

He didn’t care about school, about the test they had in math today, about having to sit behind Lucas all first hour, unable to focus on anything other than the moles on his neck when he knew his feelings were pointless.

The trees blurred into the street as Jens walked, rain falling faster, colder, and he tugged up his hood, ducking around another corner. 

He found himself at a canal, gazing into the glassy surface of the water, broken only by tiny raindrops rippling in circles, the grass wet as Jens sunk down. 

He couldn’t ever remember feeling like this, not even in those first few weeks after the break-up with Jana. But then, he’d had Robbe. He’d had the guys to distract him, to tell him that maybe it was a good thing, that they were better off. Jens could tell himself all those same things—that he was better off not caring about Lucas, just being friends or maybe being nothing at all, that all of this was temporary anyway.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath as he sat there, rain wetting his sweatshirt. He couldn’t go back to school. He couldn’t go home. He was stuck.

It was that thought that made him pull out his phone, opening Robbe’s messages, the messages he still hadn’t replied to, and hitting the call button.

It rang and rang, and Jens sighed as he listened to the tone on the other end, Robbe’s voicemail picking up.

He hung up instead of leaving a message, placing his head in his hands, palms pressed to his eyes as he sighed. How had he gotten here?

He nearly jumped when his phone went off a minute later, Robbe’s name on the screen, and he answered it quickly.

“Hey.”

“Hey, sorry, I was in class,” Robbe said, and even hearing his voice was a relief somehow. “Aren’t you supposed to be in class too?”

“I skipped,” Jens said for lack of a better explanation.

There was a pause before Robbe asked, “Is everything okay?”

Normally, Jens would lie and say yes, everything was perfectly fine. He wasn’t falling apart over some guy who didn’t like him back, being in an unfamiliar place where the girls already thought he was a player, having to deal with his mom and his sister with no escape.

“No,” he said finally, leaning back against his backpack, watching a boat drift past on the canal. “Everything’s a mess.”

“What happened?” Robbe asked softly, and Jens wondered where he was, if he’d asked for a bathroom pass and was hiding in a stall talking to him.

Robbe wasn’t even mad, Jens thought as he sighed. He wasn’t even mad that Jens had been ignoring him for a week, not answering any of his calls or texts. He wasn’t sure he deserved it, that forgiveness, but now wasn’t the time to think about it.

“You remember those guys I told I smoked with?” he asked, and Robbe made a vague noise of agreement. “I kind of like one of them.”

“Jens!” He could hear the smile in Robbe’s voice. “That’s awesome.”

“No.” He shook his head even though Robbe couldn’t see him, wiping rainwater off his hand. “It’s not.”

“Oh,” Robbe said after a second. “Is he not gay?”

Jens sighed. “He is, or at least, he’s something, but he’s not out, and he’s into his best friend.”

Robbe didn’t reply for a moment, and Jens wasn’t sure what there was to say anyway. What had he expected to come from trying to be friends with Lucas? That it wouldn’t hurt when Lucas finally got the courage to tell Kes how he felt?

“You know,” Robbe said after a long minute in which Jens watched the surface of the water, reflecting the buildings on either side, “I was into my best friend once. Before I realized it was just because he knew me better than anyone else, because we’d been friends for so long and he felt safe. But then I realized it’s completely different when you meet someone you really like, someone who makes you nervous and happy all at the same time, someone who gets you in a totally different way.”

Jens knew. Robbe had told him about his dumb crush a while ago and they’d laughed about it over beers. 

“You don’t see the way Luc looks at him,” Jens said finally, “the way they are together.”

“Maybe not,” Robbe admitted. “But maybe he can’t see the way you look at him either.”

Frowning, Jens shook his head. “What does that mean?”

“If he’s not out to his friends, he’s probably afraid. Afraid of how things are going to change, if they’re going to look at him differently. I know it was relatively easy for you to tell us, but it wasn’t easy for me.”

Jens remembered. He remembered the time it had taken Robbe to tell them the truth, how hard he had tried to be straight before that, how much of a toll it had taken.

“I would never have told you that I liked you back then,” Robbe went on. “I would have been so afraid of losing you. This guy, maybe he really is into his friend, and maybe he is brave enough to tell him, to risk that. Or maybe he just needs someone who isn’t afraid put himself out there for him.”

For a second, Jens closed his eyes, sighing into the phone. “You’re saying I should tell him how I feel.”

“Have you?”

Jens thought back to the party. He thought the kiss had been pretty obvious, but all Lucas had been concerned about was if he liked Kes or not.

“I guess not in so many words,” he admitted. “But that won’t change how he feels about Kes.”

“Have you asked him how he feels about that guy?” Robbe asked.

“It’s pretty obvious.”

“Obvious doesn’t always mean right.”

“Jesus, Robbe,” Jens said, and he heard Robbe’s questioning noise.

“What?”

He smiled to himself, a weight lifting from his chest as he sat there, hoodie growing progressively wetter as the rain continued. “I thought, for a while there, that talking to you would just be too hard, a reminder that I’m all alone out here, that I don’t have you guys anymore.”

“You’re not alone,” Robbe said, serious even through the phone. “You’ll always have me. Even when you’re being stupid.”

Jens nodded, feeling the tears welling up in his eyes, and he blinked them away, huffing out a breath. “I think I needed to hear that,” he admitted, and he heard Robbe laugh, gentle.

“I’ll say it as much as you need,” he said easily. “Because it’s true, and it’ll always be true.”

Jens didn’t reply to that, though for a moment, sitting on the bank of the canal, water dripping down the back of his neck, the soft sound of raindrops in the tree leaves, it felt like things were going to be okay.

*

Jens didn’t go back to school, wasting time until he could go home without his mom suspecting anything. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do next. According to Robbe, he should just flat-out ask Lucas what he thought about Kes, tell him all the things Jens had been thinking since they first day they’d met. Maybe it would work. Maybe Jens would get incredibly lucky and Lucas would say that he’d magically gotten over Kes in a few days.

Jens didn’t have high hopes for that, especially when he opened Instagram on Saturday afternoon and the first post was one from Kes, a picture of him and Lucas, grinning in the sunshine, Kes’ arm tight around his shoulder.

_Love this idiot so much_ , read the caption and Jens couldn’t help the sinking feeling in his stomach. As much as he wanted Robbe to be right, he wasn’t.

What was strangest, Jens thought on Sunday evening was that neither Jayden nor Kes had texted him this weekend to suggest doing something. It wasn’t as if he’d expected them to, but looking back, he realized they had texted him almost every weekend since they became friends.

Maybe Lucas had told them about the kiss and they’d decided Jens was a total jerk. Maybe Lucas and Kes were off in their perfectly happy bubble and forgotten completely about Jens.

That wasn’t any way to think about it, Jens told himself as he stared unseeingly at the movie playing on his laptop. The truth was, it didn’t matter what Jayden or Lucas or Kes were doing without him. He shouldn’t have cared at all.

Besides, he thought, Robbe had promised to come to Utrecht next weekend, and that was at least something to look forward to.

On Monday morning, Jens pressed the snooze button twice on his alarm before finally crawling out of bed, already dreading the day. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say to Lucas, if there was anything to say. Would Lucas just ignore him? He’d already skipped school four days in a row just so he wouldn’t have to see Jens.

His mom practically shoved him out the front door, and though Jens took as long as possible to get there, he was still early enough that students were still milling around outside.

Kes, Lucas, and Jayden were very obviously standing near the front door, and Jens grimaced as he realized there was no way to avoid them.

“Hey,” Kes greeted him easily as Jens stepped up, hand tight on his backpack strap. His gaze flicked to Lucas, who was watching him with a slight downward twist to his lips. “Good weekend?”

Jens shrugged in response. “Not really.”

Jens didn’t want to be there, standing between them all as if everything was fine. Maybe Kes and Jayden didn’t know, but Jens could feel it. He could feel it in the way Lucas’ gaze darted to him, the way Lucas’ fingers curled into the sleeves of his jacket. He had nothing to say.

Kes seemed to look between them all before punching Jayden’s arm. “We need to go talk to Mrs. De Grijs about the… thing.”

Jayden paused, frowning, but then his eyes widened. “Right, the thing. The important thing.”

Frowning, Jens watched them go, Kes practically dragging Jayden up the stairs into the school.

“They’re not exactly subtle,” Lucas said from behind him, and Jens glanced back. He didn’t know what was going on, and he honestly didn’t care.

“I should go too,” he said. He didn’t want to be alone with Lucas, not right now, not when just looking at him made him feel like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. He had no idea how he was supposed to get through the rest of the year—after all, he had no other real friends aside from Luc, Jayden, and Kes, and if he couldn’t stand to be around Lucas, he would resolve himself to having no friends the rest of the year. Even having Robbe in his corner wouldn’t be enough to stave off the loneliness that would bring.

“Wait, I—” Lucas said, cutting himself off sharply, a hand extended to stop Jens, but he curled his fingers back when Jens met his gaze. “Can we talk for a minute?”

A part of Jens wanted to say no, to turn and walk into that school and forget he ever had feelings for Lucas, that he didn’t need to hear whatever excuses Lucas had for why he didn’t like him, why he liked Kes more. It didn’t matter. A fact was a fact and excuses wouldn’t change that.

But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t just turn away.

“A minute,” he agreed, frowning when Lucas turned to walk away, pausing when he didn’t follow.

“Not here,” Lucas said, glancing at the front door, the students filing in, and Jens sighed before following him.

_Have you asked him how he feels about that guy?_

Robbe’s voice echoed in Jens’ head as he went with Lucas, around the corner of the school, to a small grove of trees he’d never bothered to pay attention to before. There were far fewer people over here, much more secluded as Lucas turned to face him, seemingly taking a deep breath.

“I need to explain some things,” Lucas started slowly, but Jens shook his head.

“No, you don’t.” He understood perfectly what Lucas felt for Kes.

“Yes, I do,” Lucas said, a little louder, a little firmer, sighing as he stuck his hands in his pockets, surprising Jens. He shook his head as they stood there amongst the rustling leaves, the chill breeze grazing the back of their necks. “Kes said you were worried last week, when I wasn’t there.”

Jens didn’t dispute it, but he didn’t agree either, feeling stupid that he even cared. He shouldn’t have said anything to Kes.

“That had nothing to do with you,” Lucas went on slowly, licking his lips, gaze flicking to Jens’. “It wasn’t about the party or the… kiss.” He looked down, toeing at the damp grass. “My mom… she’s bipolar, and sometimes, it gets hard. And I’m all she has. So I wasn’t trying to avoid you, and I didn’t know how to tell you that after you got so mad.”

Jens sighed, looking away from Lucas. “I’m sorry about your mom.”

Lucas shook his head, chewing on his bottom lip. “That’s not really the problem. That was just last week. That was just normal life for me. The problem is that you’re still mad.”

Scoffing, Jens turned to Lucas, watching the way Lucas just stood there, hands in his pockets, wind fluttering the curls on his forehead. “Do you even know why?”

For a second, Lucas looked pained, eyebrows furrowed, a huff to his breath, and Jens didn’t understand why. It was clear enough that Jens had only been an obstacle between Lucas and Kes, even if Kes was straight, even if it might never happen. He wasn’t even really mad at Lucas—it wasn’t Lucas’ fault he liked Kes, not Lucas’ fault that Jens liked Lucas. It was just a fact that couldn’t be changed.

“I thought you liked Kes, and I was scared because I thought you didn’t like me,” Lucas said, the words spilling from him all at once, a rush as though he had to get it out now or he might never, and it was enough to surprise Jens as he stared. “That’s why I asked. Not because I want him. I don’t. Maybe I did once, but it’s different now.”

For a moment, Jens was slow to respond, processing what Lucas was saying, the way Lucas watched him, blue eyes big, rounded with worry.

“You don’t like Kes,” he said finally, and even the words felt foreign, words he hadn’t thought would ever be true. He’d seen how Lucas was with Kes, how close they were, the looks Lucas gave him sometimes.

Lucas only shrugged, watching Jens tentatively, as though trying to read him. “He’s my best friend, but that’s all.”

“So when I kissed you…” Jens said, the puzzle pieces slowly fitting together.

“I just wanted to make sure you liked me.”

Jens almost laughed despite himself. “That was a terrible way of asking.”

“I know,” Lucas admitted, grimacing. “I’m not good at that stuff. Plus, I had no idea what I was doing.” He shuffled a bit, still looking nervous, shoulders hunched against the cold. They had definitely missed the bell by now, the area around them completely empty.

Jens paused, huffing out a breath as they stood there. It turned out Robbe was right. He did have to spell it out. He was going to have to, and maybe that was for the best.

“I kissed you because I like you,” he said, simple, blunt, watching the way Lucas met his gaze, still nervous, still unsure. “I’ve liked you since I met you, but there was Kes, and I was… jealous. I thought you liked him. I knew you weren’t out. I…” He sighed, watching Lucas’ hopeful expression, something expanding in his chest at the sight. “I tried to be your friend instead, but apparently I’m not good at forgetting feelings.”

For a second, Lucas just nodded slowly, and Jens felt his own nerves bubbling up inside him. There was no taking it back now, no pretending he hadn’t said it. If he and Lucas had a friendship before, it was changed now, whatever happened next.

“I told Kes,” Lucas said after a minute, taking a breath. “And Jayden. This weekend. I told them about you and me and everything.”

“You came out?” Jens asked, eyebrows rising, torn between surprised and happy.

Lucas jerked his shoulders in agreement. “They didn’t care at all. They said I was an idiot for not just telling you.”

Jens had to smile, relief flooding him as he stood there in the cold breeze. “That’s what Robbe said too.”

“Maybe we’re both idiots,” Lucas said gently, and Jens laughed.

“Possibly.”

Lucas took a step forward, careful, closer, and Jens saw him swallow, and his own nerves seemed to rise deep within his stomach, insides coiling together again, as if there was still uncertainty ahead. Maybe Lucas was going to say they’d fucked up too much to move forward, that he needed time and space to figure things out. Jens wasn’t sure he could take it, not after all this, not now that he knew.

“So, here is it, plain and simple,” Lucas said, tilting his head to the side. “When you kissed me, it was like the whole world shifted in a way that I can never go back to, and I don’t want to. And if you can forgive me for being so stupid, maybe we could figure this out.”

Jens smiled before he could think about it, the tight squeeze on his stomach easing as he closed what little space was left between them.

“If you can forgive me for being such a jerk about it,” he said quietly, and Lucas smiled too, relief flooding his face, letting out a breath he seemed to have been holding in.

“You weren’t,” he said, and Jens made a face.

“I was,” he said, reaching for Lucas, though, hands sliding around his neck, tilting his chin up. “I was a jerk about a lot of things.”

“Okay,” Lucas allowed with a small smile. “You were.”

Jens opened his mouth to—he didn’t know what, but it didn’t matter when Lucas kissed him, soft but firm, everything welling up inside him as he kissed back, pulled Lucas in closer and didn’t let go.

For the first time in months, as Jens stood there, kissing Lucas under the rustling trees, with absolutely no intention of stopping any time soon, he thought that he was glad he’d moved to Utrecht and for once, he was content to stay.

*

**Epilogue.**

“Fuck!” Kes said as he stumbled off his board, barely catching himself before he fell.

“I can’t believe you were jealous of that,” Lucas said, nudging Jens in the side where they sat on the edge of the rink, and Jens rolled his eyes, pulling Lucas’ face to his, pressing a smacking kiss to his lips.

“He seemed cooler from afar.”

Lucas laughed even as Jens kissed him again, humming against his mouth. It was so easy now, so easy to just kiss Lucas whenever he wanted, to twine an arm around his waist as they watched Jayden try a jump and manage not to fall on his face.

“Bravo!” Jens called, and Lucas rolled his eyes, amused.

Jens couldn’t help watching Lucas, the way he laughed at Jayden, the way the breeze ruffled his hair, how Jens’ sweatshirt was way too big on him, but Lucas refused to give it back. He hadn’t felt like this about someone since Jana, but it was somehow completely different. He didn’t care about the teasing they got from the boys, how when Jens had finally sent a picture in the group chat, Aaron had sent a hundred heart-eyes emojis and even Moyo had sent a _DAMN JENS_. He didn’t care about any of it except that it all just made him so fucking happy.

“What?” Lucas asked when he finally noticed Jens watching him, and Jens shook his head.

“You’re just so damn beautiful,” he said, enjoying the tinge of pink on Lucas’ cheeks as he shoved him in response.

“Shut up,” he said instead, grinning as Jens leaned in to kiss him again, hands on his warm cheeks, distracted by Lucas’ laugh, his soft lips, the way Lucas nudged at him gently with his mouth, asking for another kiss.

“You know, if you let go of your boyfriend once in a while, maybe you could do some tricks,” Kes pointed out as he skated over, kicking his board up, and they broke apart finally.

“I’m good,” Jens said easily, hand on the back of Lucas’ neck. “Don’t want to upstage you in front of the girls.” He nodded across the park to where Isa and her friends were gathered. They had definitely been sneaking glances at Kes and Jayden.

“Fuck you,” Kes said good-naturedly. “Come on, Luc. Why come if you’re not gonna skate?”

Lucas exchanged a glance with Jens, who couldn’t help grinning, but Lucas rolled his eyes in agreement after a second. “Okay, fine.”

As he climbed up, Jens joined him, grabbing his hand before Lucas could retrieve his board.

“Hey,” he said quietly, and Lucas just blinked at him. “My mom wants you to come over for dinner.”

“Okay,” Lucas said, pausing when Jens didn’t let go. “What?”

Jens smiled slightly. “I told her. That we’re more than friends.”

A smile spread across Lucas’ face as he nodded. “Yeah? How’d she take it?”

“Well, she wants to know if you like onions,” he said, and Lucas laughed, pulling Jens in closer by his shoulders as he nodded.

“I like them fine,” he said, kissing Jens deeply, and Jens smiled against his lips.

“Luc!” Kes’ voice interrupted them, annoyed, and Lucas pulled away, letting Jens press one more swift kiss to his lips before laughing.

“Our fans are waiting,” Lucas said, squeezing Jens’ hand and grabbing his board with the other.

As Lucas left him on the edge, Jens couldn’t help smiling to himself. It turned out Utrecht wasn’t so bad, and though he’d never tell his mother this, maybe it had been the right decision.

* 

FIN.


End file.
